God, grant me the serenity...

I'm taking deep breaths, and counting.

I'm staring at the happy things all around my desk, trying to feel the emotions behind them.

On top of my regular meds, I took an anti-anxiety drug; in hopes of calming the demons that seem to be plaguing me today.

I feel the need to smooth my feathers down; to glide along a lake of glass. I want to breathe in serenity and peace. I want to expell the turmoil that resides in my soul.

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I'm still here

I realize it's been awhile since I've posted here. I don't know how many people stop by here anyway.

I'm doing well, I guess. Just pushing through the work that my therapist wants me to do. That makes it sound like I don't want to do the work. And that is wrong. I am doing the work, and I WANT to DO IT. I want to feel better. I want to move on to whatever is next in my life.

One week in...

I'm taking PROZAC. I'm on day 8, which means I just doubled the doseage from the first week; meaning I am now ingesting two pills instead of the one they had me taking the first week.

I read the paperwork provided by the pharmacist. I've seen the list of possible side effects, and warning signs. I am familiar.

I wonder sometimes about the wisdom of giving this information to the patient. I mean, I know they HAVE TO make people aware. It's common sense. Well, and safer for everyone involved.

I must say though, a lot of my waking hours are spent *dwelling* on these things; the possible side effects.

Am I irritated today because of the medication? or is this just normal irritation?
Was that a suicidal thought? (don't worry! that one is just for an example... I am NOT suicidal.)
Are my aches and pains from the medicine?
Did the overtly-sexual dream I had last night mean I am spinning out of control?
Is my mind EVER going to stop racing in this manner?

I'm not sure about all of this yet. It's troubling me for sure.

oh my. I suddenly feel weepy.

and wobbly. oh.