Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Blindness? or Deafness?

This morning I thought about gouging out my eyes in frustration. Then I realized that I would still be able to hear her complaints.

Would I rather be sightless and still hear her voice? Or watch her mouth move... without hearing the sounds coming out?

Oh! the choices we are driven to make!

Can I choose to be far, far away from here?
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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

God, grant me the serenity...

I'm taking deep breaths, and counting.

I'm staring at the happy things all around my desk, trying to feel the emotions behind them.

On top of my regular meds, I took an anti-anxiety drug; in hopes of calming the demons that seem to be plaguing me today.

I feel the need to smooth my feathers down; to glide along a lake of glass. I want to breathe in serenity and peace. I want to expell the turmoil that resides in my soul.

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

My spanking name

A co-worker called out to me this morning, "Rita Lolita!"

No one calls me that! Unless of course I'm in trouble and going to get the hairbrush on my bare bottom. (back in the day you could spank bad children and not get hauled off to jail.) I clenched up immediately. (you would too! it hurts! trust me.)

Then she proceeded to "dress me down" for my breakfast beverage of choice. "I'm going to tell your MOTHER!"


My mother?



If you are concerned about my health - voice your concern. Just please, PLEASE, do not scream out my spanking name.
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Monday, January 3, 2011

Odd people in the New Year

Why does the TEMP employee keep walking by my desk? He walks by a hundred times each day. Bladder problem?

His body language shows that he is trying NOT to look into my cubicle, but failing miserably. I see his eyes shift in my direction as he passes by. I see him flinch as his shifted eyes meet mine. I see him jerk his shifted eyes away. He looks guilty. But of what?

Am I wrong to keep catching him do this? (I find it amusing... maybe he's afraid of me?)

Plus... he smells.


Have I told that story? No?

Hmmm. Perhaps for another day.

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Kid Gloves

Everyone around me is acting crazy. What I mean to say is, it's extremely busy here this week, and it has affected everyone. The work-load is unbelievable... and yet I remain calm.

I've no doubt that my load is lighter; that I haven't got the crap that all the other gals do. They seem to be treating me gently; like I'm fragile.

So I really don't know if it's the meds working. Or if it's just that I am truly Not Stressed Out.

I can tell you this... I like calm.
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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I can't believe this...

Maybe I shouldn't be quite so surprised by the whole thing, but I am. You see, for over a year, I have been dealing with some issues regarding collateral for a loan I booked. A loan for a client of the most lazy (and apparently untruthful) Relationship Manager ever.

It's been a long drawn out process. When the monthy MISSING ITEMS report goes out, I always get a call. Whine, whine, whine, and more whine. A girl could get really drunk on all this whine. Seriously!

Many months ago he faxed some signed documents to my attention. He then emailed me, alerting me to the fact that he had sent them, and stating that he would place them in an interoffice bag for me to have the next day. Days went by. No documents. I, of course, called him and questioned him about the delivery method (interoffice? or Fed Ex?). "Fed Ex, of course!", he said. (an attempt to place blame on someone else perhaps?) I calmly asked for the tracking number, and he said he'd call me back. He never did. Except when his boss got the MISSING ITEMS report for the next month. And we would start all over again.

Today I received an email from him, with the scanned documents. This was followed by a voice mail message, and before I could call him back, another call.

"Did you see? I sent you the documents in email!" He sounded so pleased with himself. Did he not remember that he had yelled at me for losing his documents? Did he forget that he told me HE HAD SENT them VIA FED EX over a year ago? How forgetful does he think I am? or does he just think that I am stupid? What the HECK?

So I thanked him (amazing that I was able to hold my tongue and not scream at him), and asked that he send the originals to my attention via interoffice. Then I turned his attention to the fact that we did not have the original Title for the collateral in question. STILL.

"But I took the paperwork to the Dept of Licensing myself! Surely you have it by now!" I assured him that we did not. But, I offered to call the DOL to check on the status.

I guess it won't surprise you that he said, "NO! I will go down there myself today and get this cleared up." My guess is that he lied about taking the paperwork to DOL too.

Anyone want to take bets on this?

I really hate liars. Stupid liars are worse. (At least TRY to be smart about it.)

Friday, November 12, 2010

Her Voice

It's making me think of nails on a chalkboard. Someone needs to make her stop talking. She speaks in long, run on (and on) sentences...

Endless screeching.

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