Blindness? or Deafness?

This morning I thought about gouging out my eyes in frustration. Then I realized that I would still be able to hear her complaints.

Would I rather be sightless and still hear her voice? Or watch her mouth move... without hearing the sounds coming out?

Oh! the choices we are driven to make!

Can I choose to be far, far away from here?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

My spanking name

A co-worker called out to me this morning, "Rita Lolita!"

No one calls me that! Unless of course I'm in trouble and going to get the hairbrush on my bare bottom. (back in the day you could spank bad children and not get hauled off to jail.) I clenched up immediately. (you would too! it hurts! trust me.)

Then she proceeded to "dress me down" for my breakfast beverage of choice. "I'm going to tell your MOTHER!"

Seriously?

My mother?

OK.

Whatever.

If you are concerned about my health - voice your concern. Just please, PLEASE, do not scream out my spanking name.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Kid Gloves

Everyone around me is acting crazy. What I mean to say is, it's extremely busy here this week, and it has affected everyone. The work-load is unbelievable... and yet I remain calm.

I've no doubt that my load is lighter; that I haven't got the crap that all the other gals do. They seem to be treating me gently; like I'm fragile.

So I really don't know if it's the meds working. Or if it's just that I am truly Not Stressed Out.

I can tell you this... I like calm.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I can't believe this...

Maybe I shouldn't be quite so surprised by the whole thing, but I am. You see, for over a year, I have been dealing with some issues regarding collateral for a loan I booked. A loan for a client of the most lazy (and apparently untruthful) Relationship Manager ever.

It's been a long drawn out process. When the monthy MISSING ITEMS report goes out, I always get a call. Whine, whine, whine, and more whine. A girl could get really drunk on all this whine. Seriously!

Many months ago he faxed some signed documents to my attention. He then emailed me, alerting me to the fact that he had sent them, and stating that he would place them in an interoffice bag for me to have the next day. Days went by. No documents. I, of course, called him and questioned him about the delivery method (interoffice? or Fed Ex?). "Fed Ex, of course!", he said. (an attempt to place blame on someone else perhaps?) I calmly asked for the tracking number, and he said he'd call me back. He never did. Except when his boss got the MISSING ITEMS report for the next month. And we would start all over again.

Today I received an email from him, with the scanned documents. This was followed by a voice mail message, and before I could call him back, another call.

"Did you see? I sent you the documents in email!" He sounded so pleased with himself. Did he not remember that he had yelled at me for losing his documents? Did he forget that he told me HE HAD SENT them VIA FED EX over a year ago? How forgetful does he think I am? or does he just think that I am stupid? What the HECK?

So I thanked him (amazing that I was able to hold my tongue and not scream at him), and asked that he send the originals to my attention via interoffice. Then I turned his attention to the fact that we did not have the original Title for the collateral in question. STILL.

"But I took the paperwork to the Dept of Licensing myself! Surely you have it by now!" I assured him that we did not. But, I offered to call the DOL to check on the status.

I guess it won't surprise you that he said, "NO! I will go down there myself today and get this cleared up." My guess is that he lied about taking the paperwork to DOL too.

Anyone want to take bets on this?

I really hate liars. Stupid liars are worse. (At least TRY to be smart about it.)

Her Voice

It's making me think of nails on a chalkboard. Someone needs to make her stop talking. She speaks in long, run on (and on) sentences...

Endless screeching.

*sigh*

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.1

So what else is new?

We are having a potluck today, and like always, someone is being cheap. Her dish maybe cost $7.00. Mine? It cost at least $15.00. AND it's homemade. AND it feeds more than four people.

I know. Grow up! Right?

I'm trying.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.1

Snap, Clap & Tap

I am happy to report that the tapping has subsided. The clapping has turned to the loud snapping of gum! Seriously?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

wonderful

I made the mistake of opening up my email today.  There, in my INBOX, was an email from a very NICE co-worker of mine.  She is always pleasant.  She's a sympathetic sort.  I can always count on her for a smile or two. Of course I opened it.  Of course.  I was expecting happiness.

What I read was completely different from that.

Now.  If you KNEW someone was home on doctor's orders...  If you were AWARE that they had had some sort of melt-down... Would you send them an email telling that person the following things?

• Everyone has a backlog of at least two days worth of work.
• H called in sick, and S was on vacation on Monday. So it got even worse.
• I started to cry on Tuesday because things are so bad here.

So umm.  How EXACTLY did she THINK this was going to be HELPFUL to me?  Or did she not think at all?  Or was she just letting me know, so that I could plan my NEXT BREAKDOWN?  People are un-"F"ing believable.

Pass me the pills please?

I'm going to need them when I go back on Monday.

lists... i make them

So, I think I had a *melt-down* on Thursday.  At least, that is what I would call it.  I began to cry around 1:30-2:00-ish... and didn't stop completely until after 8PM.  I guess I'd had enough.  Enough of what? you might ask.  Enough.  Of everything.  EVERYTHING.

Here are some of the things on my mind this day, as I am on a doctor mandated SICK day to get my feet back underneath me (and as I wait for my first appointment with a Psychologist):

• the coworker tapping
• the coworker that was seen digging in someone else's purse and is STILL working there. 
• the fact that i have to LOCK my desk EVERY TIME I leave it, for fear of him digging through my purse.
• the inane insane ridiculous asinine phone calls from the other department - asking me to give them information I do not have, nor do I need.  If they need it, shouldn't they be calling the people who supply that information?
• the rush Rush RUSHING I am expected to do.  without any break in the work load.
• the new STUFF that Upper Management (UM) comes up with.  Stuff that we are supposed to accept without question.  Stuff that sounds good on paper, but when it comes down to being USER FRIENDLY... well it fails in major ways.
• the lack of training for such pet projects.  Three months in and I STILL don't know how or why?
• the general lack of common courtesy in my workplace.
• the lack of direction from our supervisor
• the lack of understanding from her too. (and she has been in our shoes!)
• the FORMS (!!!) that have to filled out for every task we do.  (again, the pet project of UM!)
• coworkers that pretend to have your best interests in mind, then leave little treats at your desk, knowing full well you will eat them and suffer the consequences.
• having to pull my own files, while the file room staff works on yet ANOTHER pet project of UM.
• seeing the file room staff prepare fancy coffees for staff  when there is perfectly GOOD coffee in the break room that anyone can enjoy for FREE!
• knowing that while they are supposed to be working on that project, they are really walking back and forth from the kitchen, making the fancy coffees, when they COULD BE helping me pull my files!  (ohIMUSTblogaboutTHISlater!)

I know that ANY job I would go to would have these (or similar) problems to endure.  And endure I must.  Usually I would be ABLE to handle all of this.  I'm a big girl.  I handle stress.  I thought I handled it pretty well.

It's just that all of the above was combined with OTHER stresses.  Family stresses.  My own personal crap (oh yes! I have CRAP!).  The death of my father - which (who knew?) has caused me some anxiety in ways I could not have imagined.  And watching my Mother as she watches HER mother (my Grandma) slowly fade away.  It's all very stressful for me.

I'm certain that it will all work itself out.  I am seeking help.  I will heal.  I will be back to my strong, silly, sarcastic and witty self.

Soon.